Dirty Talk : B. O.

Working out sucks. Especially when you are out of shape and trying to get in a grove. You don’t want to put on your spandex matching outfits because it cuts off circulation and gives a Michelin man appearance, but you don’t want to wear your grungy over-sized T-shirts and look like a noob in the gym. Your make up runs, you are breathing heavy, your shirt gets sweaty to the point that it changes color, except where your sports bra is, and what is that…… what is that……. Is that me? Ugh, is that smell coming from me? Do a quick, nonchalant sniff of the pits, and much to your demise: confirmation, that sour, deodorant smell is being emitted from your under arm. NIGHTMARE. Now you are self-conscience, not working as hard and looking around to see if anyone makes “the face”. You know the face. The frowny turtle face that people make when they smell something rancid. They don’t smell you, the gym is well ventilated, but the damage is done, your confidence is deflated and you just want to shower and have a brownie.

Turtle Face

A few weeks ago my husband and I decided to attend a hot yoga class. For those of you who are unaware of my many quirks, I have an extreme and unreasonable fear of smelling bad. I have at least 15 different types of deodorant available in my house at all the times, and many of them are scattered between bathrooms, purses and cars should I feel an emergent need to reapply. I have several little rituals that are unnecessary and probably ineffective, but needless to say I must complete them before I face the day: a normal day of air conditioning and minimal sweaty situations. The idea of going to hot yoga was a tad terrifying given the 105 degree temperature and static poses of arms in the air and exposed pits. My husband thinks that I am out of my mind. “You don’t smell babe, I don’t know what you are talking about” My sisters are like “Ugh, did you wear my shirt, it smells like you! Now I have to wash it” I’m getting mixed signals and quite frankly I would rather behave like I know I smell and remedy the situation, even if unneeded, rather than ignore the situation if it is in fact very much needed.

My Candy Land

So on the big day, the day that I am to expose myself to harsh conditions that promotes excessive sweating, I hop in the shower right before it is time to leave. I want to make sure I am as fresh as can be as not to offend my fellow yogis. When I hop out of the shower, my husband hands me a bottle of apple cider vinegar. And tells me to put on my under-arm before I put on deodorant. Is he crazy? But I listen. It kind of burns since I just shaved, and the smell stings the nostrils, but after a few minutes both the burn and the smell subside, my pits are super dry and I apply my strongest and most reliable brand and scent of deod. Still nervous walking into to yoga I don’t know what to expect, but after the excruciating hour and 15 minutes that followed my mind could only focus on not falling. When it was all over, I realized that I didn’t notice smell through out the entire class, and when I thought that no one was looking I gave a quick smell check to both arms and wouldnt you know it? NOTHING! The apple cider vinegar trick worked! I googled it on the way home, and apparently the pH on your skin neutralizes from the vinegar, destroying the ideal environment for that smelly bacteria to grow! Fancy that.

Im sure many of you read this and are like, “This girl is gross” or “I don’t have this problem” but I am sure there is someone out there that will be thrilled over this discovery, or at least I pray that there is so I am not alone in putrid nightmare! Let me know if you try it! 

Life Changer! 

That’s my skinny!

Cpizzle